“Night Lights” by Xenia Taiga


Pumpkin cake. Polka dots. Whip cream. Pumpkin spice latte. Maraschino cherries. Hot fire popping candy corn. Sugar coated chocolate sprinkles. Melted Irish crème. Pink sprinkles on the frosting take the cake. Dusted sugar unicorns. Blue cotton candy. Bubblegum ice cream.
Pecan praline ice cream is my favorite.
My heart’s screaming like a newborn. You got me on excite. I put that music on. It goes boom boom boom. I shake it for what I got. I’m in Bollywood. Got to lose some weight. I put the lipstick on. Turn off the lights. Dance doing the catwalk. Cracking the crack, drinking the drink.
No fear cause the door’s locked. Jelly beans, Peña colada, coconut cream, strawberry, blackberry, lemon, pomegranate, maple syrup, gingerbread eggnog latte; they got all the scented flavors you ever could want like the time we made them shakes. Bananas and cinnamon and milk and Coca-Cola and orange juice all swirled up together. Nothing was forbidden. Clothing’s optional. Criss-crossed peanut butter cookies rolled in white sugar, hot shredded pork marinated in barbeque sauce, I want to know if he likes me, hot salted caramel popcorn drizzled with sizzling butter. It’s all so hot hot hot and I want to know if he loves me like I love him. Pastrami brown sugar honey ham glazed like the sweet honey mountain dew orange. Oranges that drip. Oranges that pop. Orange soda pop. Dr. Pepper is the best. I take the knife and glide it like a fish underwater. I take the knife and smear the blood.
Garter belts. Lace. Lacy lace. Vampish lipstick: black, red,  purple, burgundy. I got them all. My lips are thick for you. Got my heels out. I’m trying them on, trying them on for you. I’m stomping to the beat the voices my head make. The sounds match the rain outside. I’m sexy sexy sexy. I kiss the mirror. I kiss the walls from top to bottom like it’s you and move onto the floors, covering every inch, thinking in grade school we giggled, thinking in grade school we held hands, thinking in grade school you kissed another girl. In high school, we pretended we didn’t know. And now you’re so tall and the tree’s fallen down. The apples are delicious red. Poisoned be my damn. Poisoned be the rules that separate us. There has got to be a yellow brick road somewhere.
Outside’s turning shades like a hot summer cocktail. No need for blue toothpick umbrellas. I got the umbrellas in my head. The rain will not stop. I light the candles from floor to ceiling to the windows. I light them all thinking of you and am wondering of the creations we could of have made. There are twenty-three flavors in Dr. Pepper. Twenty-three babies. I’d be proud too. The earth was created in six days. A day for a thousand years, a thousand years for a day. I can’t wait like that. I’m not God. I light the candles following my red smeared kisses. I light myself and burn burn burn cause I like it better than cutting. I light myself and burn burn burn some more till I know for sure, then I’ll fall backward like a thousand stars losing grasp.


Xenia Taiga lives in southern China with a  cockatiel and an Englishman. Find her at http://xeniataiga.com/


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